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The last two occasions on which I was allowed to see my friends here I tried to be as cheerful as possible, and to show my cheerfulness in order to make them some slight return for their trouble in coming all the way from town to visit me. It is only a slight return, I know, but it is the one, I feel certain, that pleases them most[83a]. I saw Robbie for an hour on Saturday week, and I tried to give the fullest possible expression to the delight I really felt at our meeting. And that, in the views and ideas I am here shaping for myself, I am quite right is shown to me by the fact that now for the first time since my imprisonment I have a real desire to live.
上两次允许在这里会朋友时，我就尽可能地显得快乐。 我显得快乐，以此作为对他们大老远从伦敦来看我的一个小小的回报。我知道，只不过是个小小的回报，但我感到，这肯定是最让他们高兴的回报[83a]。我一周前的星期六同罗比会面了一个钟头，努力把相见时的真心欢乐尽情表达出来。这么做，以我在这里为自己酝酿的思想观点看，还是很对的，而入狱以来第一次真心想活下去，对我便是明证。
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