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发布时间:2023-03-16 11:04:25

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61 

And the end of it all is that I have got to forgive you. I must do so. I don’t write this letter to put bitterness into your head, but to pluck it out of mine[61a]. For my own sake I must forgive you. One cannot always keep an adder in one’s breast to feed on one, nor rise up every night to sow thorns in the garden of one’s soul[61b]. It will not be difficult at all for me to do so, if you help me a little. Whatever you did to me in old days I always readily forgave. It did you no good then. Only one whose life is without stain of any kind can forgive sins. But now when I sit in humiliation and disgrace it is different. My forgiveness should mean a great deal to you now. Some day you will realise it. Whether you do so early or late, soon or not at all, my way is clear before me. I cannot allow you to go through life bearing in your heart the burden of having ruined a man like me. The thought might make you callously indifferent, or morbidly sad. I must take the burden from you and put it on my own shoulders. 

归根结底我又非得饶恕你不可。 不这样不行。我写这封信,不是要让你心生怨怼,而是要摘除自己心中的芥蒂[61a]。为了自己,我必须饶恕你。一个人,不能永远在胸中养着一条毒蛇;不能夜夜起身,在灵魂的园子里栽种荆棘[61b]。要我饶恕你一点不难,只要你帮我一把。在过去无论你对我做了什么,我总是很乐意地原谅你。那时对你一点好处也没有。只有自己的生活毫无瑕疵的人才能饶恕罪过。但现在,我含屈受辱,情况就不同了。现在我饶恕你,对你应该是意义重大了吧。有一天你会领悟的。无论领悟得或早或迟,很快或根本领悟不了,我都清楚我该怎么做。你毁了一个像我这样的人,但我不能让你心头压着这负担过一辈子。这负担可能会使你变得麻木冷酷,或者凄凄惨惨。我必须把这重负从你心头举起,放上我自己的肩头。 

61 

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