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People thought it dreadful of me to have entertained at dinner the evil things of life, and to have found pleasure in their company. But they, from the point of view through which I, as an artist in life, approached them, were delightfully suggestive and stimulating. It was like feasting with panthers. The danger was half the excitement. I used to feel as the snake charmer must feel when he lures the cobra to stir from the painted cloth or reed-basket that holds it, and makes it spread its hood at his bidding, and sway to and fro in the air as a plant sways restfully in a stream. They were to me the brightest of gilded snakes. Their poison was part of their perfection. I did not know that when they were to strike at me it was to be at your piping for your father’s pay. I don’t feel at all ashamed of having known them. They were intensely interesting. What I do feel ashamed of is the horrible Philistine atmosphere into which you brought me. My business as an artist was with Ariel. You set me to wrestle with Caliban.[141.1] Instead of making beautiful coloured, musical things such as Salome, and the Florentine Tragedy, and La Sainte Courtisane, I found myself forced to send long lawyer’s letters to your father and constrained to appeal to the very things against which I had always protested. Clibborn and Atkins were wonderful in their infamous war against life.[141.2] To entertain them was an astounding adventure. Dumas pere, Cellini, Goya, Edgar Allan Poe, or Baudelaire, [141.3] would have done just the same. What is loathsome to me is the memory of interminable visits paid by me to the solicitor Humphreys in your company, when in the ghastly glare of a bleak room you and I would sit with serious faces telling serious lies to a bald man, till I really groaned and yawned with ennui[141a]. There is where I found myself after two years’ friendship with you, right in the centre of Philistia,[141.4] away from everything that was beautiful, or brilliant, or wonderful, or daring. At the end I had to come forward, on your behalf, as the champion of Respectability in conduct, of Puritanism in life, and of Morality in Art. Voila ou menent les mauvais chemins![141.5]
人们认为我把生活中的坏蛋带到餐桌边招待他们，并且乐于同他们为伍，这是很可怕的。但是这些人呢，如果从我作为艺术家的观点来接触他们，却具有令人愉快的暗示和启发性。就像与豹共餐，刺激的一半来自危险。我的感觉，耍蛇人肯定也有。他把眼镜蛇从装蛇的花布或柳筐里逗得动起来，使它随着他的逗引将颈部膨胀，身子抬得高高的，像溪流中悠闲飘荡的水草一般前后摆动。这些人对于我是色彩最斑斓亮丽的蛇。毒素正是他们完美的一部分。我当时不知道，他们日后攻击我时，是因为听了你的笛声，为了你父亲的钱。与他们相识我一点也不觉得惭愧。他们太有趣了。我确实感到惭愧的，是你把我带进去的那种可怕的平庸气氛。作为艺术家我要打交道的是埃里厄尔，你却让我与卡利班交手。非但没写出音与色俱佳的作品如《莎乐美》、《佛罗伦萨悲剧》和《圣妓》，我身不由己地被迫去写长长的律师信给你父亲，被逼去向我一直与之抗争的东西求助。克里伯恩和阿特金斯在他们同生活进行的不光彩的争战中表现出色。招待他们可是个惊世骇俗之举。大仲马、切利尼、戈雅、爱伦?坡、或是波德莱尔，也一定会这么做的。让我烦不胜烦的是想起那些个时候，你陪着去见律师汉弗雷斯，在那个咄咄逼人的阴森森的房间里，你同我没完没了地坐着，一本正经地对着一个秃顶的人说着一本正经的谎话，直憋得我叫苦不迭，呵欠连连[141a]。我发现同你的两年结交，使我落到这境地，不偏不倚就在市侩平庸的中心，远离一切美好、光明、奇妙、敢为人先的事物。到头来还得为你出面，维护行为举止的体面、生活的清白检点、艺术的道德规范。此乃邪路所达之处——Voila ou menent les mauvais chemins!
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