168
Still, I am conscious now that behind all this Beauty, satisfying though it be, there is some Spirit hidden of which the painted forms and shapes are but modes of manifestation, and it is with this Spirit that I desire to become in harmony[168a]. I have grown tired of the articulate utterances of men and things. The Mystical in Art, the Mystical in Life, the Mystical in Nature—this is what I am looking for, and in the great symphonies of Music, in the initiation of Sorrow, in the depths of the Sea I may find it. It is absolutely necessary for me to find it somewhere.
而且，我现在意识到了，在这所有美的背后，尽管已美得使人满足了，还藏匿着某种精神。 而这精神，画笔勾勒的形形色色不过是其表露的方式而已。正是这精神，我想与之达到和谐的境界[168a]。关于人和事，说出来的一切已让我厌烦。艺术之奥妙、生命之奥妙、自然之奥妙——这就是我在找寻的。在伟大的交响曲中，在悲怆的启蒙中，在大海的深处，我可能寻得。我绝对有必要在什么地方把它找到。
168